As a man, I must say you have been very fortunate to have met gentlemen. The majority of the men I served with, and even the veterans groups now, were definitely NOT. MOST would have taken advantage of your attitude and treated you like a rock band roady.

Have you researched any domestic violence sources, regional VA hospitals, or volunteered at any local veterans functions to better understand your "fetish"??

I do hope you wind up with one of your gentlemen. My wife did, because I do not consider myself a typical Marine.

oh and I have been watch cartoon network and nick cartoons ever since I was born and will continueue to watch them and nothing else btw!

- Take Medication
- Change your diet
- Exercise
And learn to be in control.

Now doesn't that sound rude and biitchy.
I've had Rapid-Cycle Bipolar for 10 years, and it knocks me about, but I simply refuse to allow it control who I am, and I will be damned if I will be defined as a Mentally Ill Mother.

Do your research on what you have. I've researched for many years on ways I can control my Bipolar (and other mental problems I have)
Diet is really important here. There are certain foods which used in conjunction with Medication help to keep you happier and more able to go about your business.
There are so many books on this, and so much information, seriously you'd be surprised. Your Mental Health worker can help you so much, but a lot has to come from YOU. YOU have to be willing and WANT to change for the better.
Learn about all your triggers as well. One of mine is Easter time. I simply cannot stand Easter, mentally. In the lead up to Easter, I change my diet significantly, as I know I will need all the help I can get.

You say your Family is miles away, who cares. Mine are in other States, and hours away from me, but why can't I build a new one.
Try a buddy program, or a Mother's Group. Make your own support system, who can help you out when you need it the most.
There are Mental Health workers here that will come to your house, and I live in a state where the Mental Health system is not up to scratch.
You can try your local Health Clinic for weekly visits from a Social Worker, or a Nurse/Sister. Even if they only come to have a chat and a coffee, that's better than nothing. Loneliness is a horrible thing to feel.

Find something you like doing. You say you enjoy teaching your sons Maths, and reading. Why not make some cool charts up, with numbers, and words (like flash cards). Hang the on the wall, or cut them up into a jig saw puzzle.
Crafts is a one of my happy things too. I cross stitch, and have taught my kids to do many things craft wise. Why not try and find some free things to do, you obviously have the net. The possibilities when crafts are involved are ENDLESS.

All you need to do is come to the point, where ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Don't let is define you, FIGHT IT, with everything you have.
I have my bad months, but these days, I will NOT give up. My Children deserve more than that, and they are everything that keeps me going.

My Father said to me when I was first diagnosed, and went into a depressive state, *Is this what you really want to be defined as?*
The answer is No. I want to be EVERYTHING I can be.

I am sorry if this sounds rough, but sometimes we all need some tough love. If you want to start living, you can do it. I did it. I work a good job, am the Proud Mum of 5 BEAUTIFUL boys, I own a house, I run a business. I am who I want to be. I refuse to be held down, or have people say I suffer from Bipolar, because I don't suffer, I take it in my stride, and make it work for me.

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=4C7FF93BF4770A10